Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Sometimes, you can just tell it`s gonna be a "does not play well with others" kind of day.
"That`s crazy" is the perfect response when you haven`t been listening.
I can totally relate to cranky elderly people. I mean you can only be nice for so long!
My face is a 4, my personality is a 6, so basically, I`m a 10.
Follow your dreams. Unless it’s a person. ..apparently they call THAT stalking.
It’s a good thing the fate of mankind doesn’t depend on me turning on the correct stove-top burner on my first try.
In my porno they`d deliver the pizza after they had sex because otherwise it`d just get cold.
Cigarettes have warning labels because they are dangerous and addictive yet vaginas are allowed to just roam around freely.
When people tell me “You’re gonna regret that in the morning” I sleep in til noon, because I’m a problem solver.
I believe in the silver rule of life: Do unto others then run!
I never cry over spilt milk. But, beer? That sh!t`s totally different.
Join us in calling for a total ban of people. They are extremely dangerous. If you know any people, report them at once to the authorities.
If you’re so much better than the leading brand then why are you not the leading brand?
“I’m sorry” and “my bad” mean the same thing… Unless you’re at a funeral.
I love food, napping on the couch, and getting super excited about car rides, I`m basically a golden retriever.