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There are no bad pictures. That`s just how your face looks sometimes.
Why do they play this music on the elevators if we`re not suppose to slow dance.
There are only two types of honest people in this world, small children and drunk people.
Spoiler alert: I unplugged your fridge.
Knife > gun because if I pull a knife, you don`t know what I`m gonna do. Stab you? Open a letter? Or am I gonna frost a cake? It`s a mystery
This salad tastes like I`m about done with my New Year`s Resolution.
I am pretty sure dry cleaning is a scam where they just laugh and rub money on your clothes then hang them back up in a plastic bag.
My only argument with using the treadmill, is that I can`t run away from my farts.
Some psychologists say that sleeping naked can help boost a person`s confidence, but nobody in this park seems to appreciate it.
When I see a cute couple making out I yell, ” I knew you’re seeing somebody else!” and run crying.
"I want to marry a smart, rich, and beautiful woman. But I don`t feel like getting married 3 times." - Hesam Ebrahim
The truth might set you free, but lying might keep you out of jail.
I hate it when I have guests at my house and they ask "Do you have a bathroom?" No, we poop in the yard.
I hear you`ve been very naughty ... Go to my room!
So exactly what age will I stop falling over while trying to put on my underwear?