Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The phrase, “Don’t take this the wrong way” has a zero percent success rate.
Dear axe body spray, Could you Please put a suggested spray size on your deodorant bottles. Best regards, Asphyxiated girls everywhere.
Well, I`m really not sure what my spirt animal is but I`m sure it looks like road kill right about now.
cofeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffee... Wheeeeeeeeee!
Takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do ...
"My place is a mess" - Every girl, ever.... "Well in that case, I`m not coming in" - No guy, ever
Dating Tip: If she hasn`t kissed you by the third date, she`s there for the food.
Deep down, we`re all that one lady in 7-11 with her bathrobe on.
The guy that figured out babies instinctively hold their breath under water probably had a lot of explaining to do.
Whenever you hear the phrase "Oh no he didn`t" you can rest assured that he did.
If at first you don`t succeed, find out where she lives.
If life gives you melons, you may be dyslexic.
Today I heard a guy on the street say, `It`s chowder season, baby!` so I pushed him in front of a bus because those are awesome last words
Men use love to get sex. Women use sex to get love. I use coupons to get pizza.
I`d like to thank the person who looked at a buzzing Bee-hive and thought: "Those ba$tards are hiding something delicious in there I know it."