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United States is where moms get a day and shark get a whole week.
I love it when I Google something I should know the answer to and find out 308 people are just as dumb as I am.
My favorite part of Summer is the booze. Coincidentally, that`s my favorite part of the other 3 seasons, too.
"May the 4th" be with you!
With Halo 4, Black Ops II and Assasins Creed III, I think November might register the lowest teen pregnancy rates in a long time!
Isn`t it strange that bankruptcy attorneys don`t let you make payments....
I hope these environmentally friendly toilets save at least 3x the water because that’s how many times I need to flush.
Dear Fork, I understand that we haven`t spoken since I ran away with dish, but I thought you should know that you have a son. His name is Spork. He has your hair. Sincerely, Spoon
I went on two diets because there wasn’t enough food on just the one.
The downside of being a bomb disposal technician. It takes 6 hours to open Christmas gifts.
am a bomb technician...anytime you see me running. Try keep it up
I don`t get nearly enough credit for managing not to be a violent psychopath
U.S.A.... where people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet coke
Tonight I`m playing hard to get off the sofa.
I am a gentleman, based on the clubs I go to.