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You call the shots. I`ll drink them.
Scratching off a lotto ticket before you leave the store is a good way of letting people know that your life isn`t going according to plan.
Sticks and stones, break my bones, but hollow points expand on impact!
I used to have a life. Then some idiot came along and said "Why don’t you make a Facebook account? It`s fun".
I have an alcohol problem, in that I can`t afford any.
Yeah, sex is awesome. But have you ever put clothes on straight out of the dryer?
There is a piece of aluminum foil blowing across the road and all I can think is that one of you is without your protective headgear today.
The recommended age to have a Ouija Board is 8+ years old. So, you need to be 21 years old to drink alcohol and 8 to summon the devil.
Sometimes I really want to throw paper at people. Brick shaped Paper. Made of brick.
Nascar would be so more entertaining if they threw banana peels and turtle shells.
Make BIG mistakes in life. Those people are remembered forever. On Youtube.
I`m so lonely that my cat owns a cat.
I wonder if New York people find it weird to watch their own city being destroyed in Hollywood movies so many times..!!
If you Google the word `overreacting` there`s a picture of me using a fire extinguisher on a spider.
I went around the block with my bike for the first time in years and now I understand why Lance Armstrong took performance enhancing drugs.