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"You`re better than that" is almost never true
You should have been a chicken and just went home.
they say there`s love in every corner....gosh I think I`m moving in circles
Sir, your burrito is $5.97. With guacamole, your total comes to $386,932.32
I talk to myself because my answers are the only ones I accept
It would serve me better if they put shopping carts in the middle of the store where my pride realizes I have too much shit to carry.
You know nothing about a woman until she`s drunk and mad at you
It won`t be the alcohol or cigarettes that kill me. It will be my inability to know when I should or shouldn`t laugh at something.
Some guy waved to me and then walked up and said, “Sorry, I thought you were someone else.” .... I said, “I am.”
A real man should never wave faster than he says the word “hey”
How I talk: 25% swearing, 25% sarcasm 50% a combination of both.
They`re having a Jamaican hair-do day tomorrow at work. I`m dreading it.
I speak my mind because it hurts to bite my tongue.
A company has announced a new service where you carpool with strangers. It`s a new cutting-edge technology called "taking the bus."
I could never trust a psychic who hasn`t won the lottery at least once.