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My minivan is always rocking, but it`s usually because I`m trying to smack one of the kids in the backseat while I drive.
Dancing in the 70`s: I have absolutely no idea what I am pointing at
I love it when the person’s laugh is funnier than the actual joke.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Am I the only one who would like to see Punxsutawney Phil bite off the finger of the person that wakes him up every Groundhog Day.
Stalin should have known communism doesn`t work. There were red flags everywhere.
A guy knocked on my door asking for a small donation for the local pool, so I gave him a glass of water.
My neighbors complained that I never mow my lawn. So I started mowing. The cops showed up at 3 a.m.. These neighbors are never happy...
If you go to dinner alone always ask for a table for two. Look sad as you eat and you will almost always get a free dessert
I`m no expert, but I would guess the internet really affected encyclopedia sales.
I come from a long line of successful people. I have successfully stopped that tradition.
Honey, tact is for people who aren`t witty enough to be sarcastic.
ATM`s need to have breathalyzers.
The problem with money is too much of it belongs to people who aren’t me.
I usually spend my Mondays texting apologies but I`ve had an alcohol free weekend now I have nothing to do.