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I hear my ex is now into orgies, or at least that`s what the Craigslist ad I just posted on her behalf said.
To drink, or not to drink?...what a stupid question!
Its never polite to ask the guy at the next table "are you done with that?" Especially when he`s breaking up with his girlfriend.
Hey! Wanna make $$$$$$ fast? Just follow my simple instructions. 1:Hold down the Shift key 2:Press the number 4 six times. It’s that easy.
I used to date this girl that worked at Hasbro, but I finally got sick of all her games.
I`ve started to make a fresh start in 2015, so if I owe you money, too bad.
You`re not living life right if you don`t get just a little bit nervous every time you hear a police siren.
The world would be a better place if we all got along like the "Price is Right" audience.
Dear penis, thanks for not bleeding once a month. Sincerely, every man ever.
When we married, she treated me like a God. As time went by, the letters got reversed
My medic alert bracelet warns first responders that I kiss back during CPR
It`s the weekend!!! I haven`t been this excited since my phone got stuck on vibrate.
Just gave the Earth a one-star rating and a bad review on TripAdvisor to discourage any aliens that were planning an invasion.
I`m no magician but I can walk down the street and turn into a bar!
My Wife asked, "Would you like a romantic interlude?" I said, "Does a bear crap in the woods?". Wish I`d just said `Yes`, she`s been on Google ever since.