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I made Creme Brulee today. More food should require the use of a blow torch.
You health nuts are gonna feel real stupid when you`re laying in the hospital dying of nothing.
´s status message is better than yours
If it wasn’t for profanity, I wouldn’t be a pro at anything.
If anyone is interested, I’ll be signing books tomorrow at Barnes & Noble from 1:00 PM until I’m escorted out by security.
drinking while working out...it`s called Bacardio
If your parachute doesn`t deploy don`t worry, you have the rest of your life to fix it.
Vodka: Taking you from a 6 to a 10 in five easy shots
I hate it when someone turns the light on while I`m sleeping and I`m like O_-
I turned out ok for a kid raised in a large part by Bugs Bunny.
Good friends do not let you do stupid things….. alone :)
Women are like bacon, they smell great, taste delicious and kill you slowly. Men are like bacon because we`re pigs.
A few more months without getting laid and I should be eligible for employment at Gamestop.
To my neighbor using a chainsaw at 7:30 on a Sunday morning: Try holding the other end.
There’s no excuse for laziness.. but if you find one, let me know.