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I have just one word for beautiful women with questionable morals, poor decision making skills and an insatiable sex drive ..."Hi"
Picking out the right Christmas tree is a science. Sneaking into your neighbor`s yard to cut it down is an art.
How many "zero likes" do you have to get on Facebook before you realize nobody gives a crap about you
Chess says everything about men & women. The King has to take things one step at a time, while the Queen can do whatever the hell she wants.
I pack an hour before leaving for a trip but unpacks 3 months after coming home
A kleptomaniac in a bakery really takes the cake
I suspect my gravestone will have a pretty serious urine discoloration not long after I`m gone.
I wish the Microsoft Paperclip would just pop up when I’m making a questionable decision for my life.
I hope you all have a prosperous New Year ... I may have to borrow money.
I got in the shower with my slippers still on this morning. Is this the start of dementia or the continuum of stupidity I wonder?
Screw love... I`d rather fall in chocolate.
It´s Friday!! yea! Oh sorry, I was just practicing.
I was called a sexist today ... I said, I think you`re mistaken ...its pronounced sexy
I am not sure why a guy getting trapped in a vagina sculpture is big news...men have been trapped by vaginas for many years.
A female mantis kills the male after sex. That used to seem cruel, but now that I`m married with kids I think the male mantis gets off easy.