Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
A lot of you lose your sh!t and have some pretty epic, public meltdowns. I just wanted to say thanks.
I don`t exactly have a "to do" list. I have what you might call "If I ever log off Facebook and feel like getting around to doing it" list.
I have an oven with a "stop time" button. It´s probably meant to be "stop timer" but I don´t touch it, just in case.
People: What a bunch of bastards!
Gym update: not there
Note to Self: In future interviews, don`t say "Safe in your strong arms" when the employer asks where I see myself in 5 years.
People are like dogs: There`s always someone who loves you for you and there`s someone who just peed in an inappropriate place.
Even if you don`t pay, they`ll usually let you go through a car wash at least once a day without a car.
When my girlfriend texted me "I`m enjoying 5 guys in bed" I was quite surprised to arrive and find no hamburgers
Never take advice from people on the Internet. Not even this.
I don`t feel like folding the laundry, so I just restart the dryer
WARNING: Every single thing I post from here on in, is alcohol induced.
A revolving door is an IQ test you can fail in public.
Being a woman should count as a pre-existing mental condition.
It`s spooky how many kids look like their owners.