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So what was the best thing before sliced bread?
I`m not as smart as I used to be but then again you can`t stay a teenager all of your life.
If I had a time machine I`d go back to 900 A.D. and just scare the sh!t out of people with an electric toothbrush.
In the United States a man gets kicked in the groin every 6.2 seconds. I would hate to be that man.
Dropped my cheeseburger in the dirt before I ate it. That`s about as organic you`re gonna get out of me.
I like them big and fake. ~Me talking about Christmas trees
Let me drink about it and get back to you.
Please don`t post that political joke you just came up with. . . it really wasn`t that funny to begin with. Thanks for understanding. -the rest of us
Don`t blame the holidays, you were fat in August.
Did anyone else ever wonder why the Easter Bunny gave away chocolate eggs? Last I checked, bunnies don’t lay eggs. What kind of sick new species is this?
Studies show that people with high sex drives also tend to be very forgetful. Did I tell you guys that already?
I just bumped into my old headmistress who said how weird it is to see me all grown up now. Surely it would be weirder if I was still 9.
Adding “and sh!t” at the end of a sentence can make anything sound thug. Example: “I was playing with my bubbles and sh!t.”
If I didn`t drink, then how would everyone know how much I love them at 2am?
I am sweet, lovable, kind, shy, and innocent ... Oh, for heaven`s sake! Stop laughing!