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You know you`ve won the argument when the other person responds with "Whatever..."
I am actually impressed by what Lance Armstrong has done. When I was on drugs, I couldn`t even find my bike!
Oops! I hate when I pour myself a drink and then have 12 more by accident.
superbowl: the only time I actually look forward to watching commericals.
Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave your house...
Gimmie a P. Gimmie an R. Gimmie an O. Gimmie a C. Gimmie an R. Gimmie an A. Gimmie an S. Gimmie a....oh, nevermind. I`ll finish this later.
Some of the best moments in life are the ones you can’t tell anyone about.
We can`t all be princesses, somebody has to clap as I go by. :P
eHarmony matched me with a bean bag chair with duct tape on it
Girls with tattoos on your tits, Why? We`re already looking at them.
When your parties have glasses instead of red cups, you’re a grown up.
Sorry I missed your call. I took too long to answer because I was dancing to the ringtone.
I`m going to start a band called "Free Beer" because when people see a sign that says "Free Beer Tomorrow at 9PM" everyone is going to be there.
Remember when everyone died before gluten-free bread?
Newton`s third law of emotion. For every male action there is a female overreaction.