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The worst time to need to sneeze is when you’re driving. The worst time to need to pee it when you’re driving and need to sneeze.
"F@ck It" has gotten me through a lot of situations.
I`m still kinda pissed that they never did tell us how to get to sesame street
Taking shots of Tequila is just another way of saying, "I like where I wake up to always be a surprise."
Every time you get dressed remember that, if you die, that`s your ghost outfit forever.
My parents say its their house, but when its time to clean it magically becomes my house too.
When in doubt, take a nap.
I ate gummy bears and didn`t bite off their heads or make screaming noises as they entered my mouth and I think this means I`m an adult now.
The only person whom a woman listens carefully & follows sincerely & does exactly as he says is a photographer
Instead of presidential debates, we should just have a dance-off.
My kids constantly yell at me whenever I try take their pictures, and I tell `em: "You`re gonna need them in 20 years for your Throw Back Thursdays updates"..... whatever!!
500 recipes pinned to my Pinterest board. Eating a peanut butter & jelly sandwich.
I`m sorry. Putting up with your sh!t isn`t on my To-Do list today.
I hate it when old people poke you at weddings and say you`re next. So I`ve started poking them at funerals
No cowboy in the world can out draw a grandmother pulling a baby picture out of her wallet.