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If I could go back in time I would put cheese on a lot more things.
When I see people jogging outside I like to drive behind them slowly blasting Eye of the Tiger for motivation.
I don’t understand how people have to “get ready for bed”…I’m always ready for bed.
The problem with some people is that they`re breathing.
Just bought a Ken doll. I don`t know what everyone`s talking about, you can`t read books on this thing.
The Swiss must`ve been pretty confident in their chances of victory if they included a corkscrew in their army knife.
I just don`t want to look back and think "I could`ve eaten that"
As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I`m totally flexible
Everyone knows spray tans and Tang come from the same stem cells as Cheetos, so why does Wikipedia keep deleting my edits?
When I die I want Charlie Sheen’s life to flash before my eyes.
More people would call the Gambling Addicts Helpline if they made every 5th caller a winner.
Its too damn early. Even the voices in my head are still snoring.
College is expensive, BUT your student ID saves $3 at the movies. So really it pays for itself if you go to the theater 30,000 times.
Shot my first turkey today...scared the crap out of everyone in the frozen food section. It was awesome!
I don`t know exactly who`s health I`m drinking to, but they`re going to be immortal at this rate