Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
A zombie apocalypse sounds even worse when you consider all those smoke detectors beeping for battery changes.
Today`s secret word is "epic". When someone says the secret word scream real loud and punch them in the face.
I have been tagged and poked so many times today, I may not be able to walk tomorrow.
There must be an easier way to transport long poles across canyons other than walking across a tightrope carrying one pole at a time.
As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I say unto myself I SHALL NEVER... USE APPLE MAPS AGAIN...
All I ask is that if we arm the teachers, that the librarians get silencers.
I`m scared of the pesticides on this produce, so I guess I`ll run them under cold water for half a second
Etc... A word used to make others believe that you know more than you actually do
Say goodbye to your girlfriends cause I just bought a book on magic tricks
Hash browns not tags.
This chick I met last week says she wants a guy who is `funny and spontaneous`, yet when I tap on the kitchen window uninvited late at night dressed as a clown it`s all pantic and screaming.
“My phone’s about to die.” is what I say 30 seconds into every phone call. Just in case!
I`m doing a charity gig tonight for people who struggle to achieve orgasm. Don`t worry if you can`t come
My method of going "offline" in FB chat is to just ignore you.
i made a chicken salad the other day. little bastard didn`t even eat it.