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Don`t be afraid to laugh at yourself you could be missing out on the joke of the century.
Are you watching too much T.V but not doing enough reading? Turn your subtitles on.
Alcohol doesn´t solve any problems ... but then again, neither does milk.
My friend wants to know if you think I’m hot.
I don’t have bumper stickers because I don’t believe in anything strongly enough to potentially get my car keyed.
How does it change many dyslexics to take a lightbulb?
I said "sad face emoji" instead of actually frowning today if you want to know how out of touch with reality I am.
Leaving your window open for an hour and the cast from f*cking Bugs Life decided to start producing their second movie.
Judging by the amount of times I accidently cut myself on sharp objects it`s probably just as well real lightsabers aren`t available yet.
Leftover bacon? Lol that’s up there with unicorns, leprechauns, and soulmates.
My house is not messy. Those are just obstacles I`ve put in place for burglars.
Im thinking, The best part about sitting down at the computer for a minute and making a status message like this is that by the time you`ve finished reading it and taking a minute out of your day you`ll have a brand sense of enlightenment and awareness that you never had before once you realize that there is absolutely no point to this post whatsoever.
I`m sick and tired of people telling me to turn off lights to save the environment. I tried it once, and I nearly killed some guy on a bike.
A new study has found that men have a hard time reading women`s facial expressions. Main reason? They usually aren`t looking at her face.
I like to finish other people`s sentences because my version is better.