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I just got gas for $1.79... Unfortunately, it was at Taco Bell.
I end a lot of my sentences with "just saying`, because saying, "you idiot" is considered offensive.
They say swearing is due to limited vocabulary. I know thousands of words, but I still prefer`f*ck off` to `go away`.
I´m (insert your name) BITCHES!!!! Deal with that.
These last 7 hours at work are always the longest.
It’s amazing how little information I need on someone before I decide I don’t like them.
If you think buying condoms is awkward, try returning them.
Okay, I can`t take it anymore. What in the hell holds the blocks up in Mario Brothers?
I really worry about which selfie my family would put on the news if I ever went missing.
I stopped paying my car payments to concentrate on my dream of appearing on a Repo show.
I`m going to switch my car insurance from Geico to Allstate, then to Statefarm, then back to Geico. If my calculations are correct, they should owe me $837
I`m not saying i hate you but if you were on fire and i had water i would drink it
I assume when I get put on hold after I call customer service, it`s because 2 guys are flipping a coin to see who pretends to be the manager.
you`re about as useless as a red light in grand theft auto
Sarcasm is a body`s natural defense against stupid people