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The most common name In China is Chang, correct me if you think it’s Wong.
This status update is only available in English.
Farts are just the ghosts of the things we eat.
If Shrek can find love, so can you. What I`m trying to say is, you look like Shrek
Watching game shows is like watching porn, you get excited watching someone else get lucky
I got drunk last night and my house wasn`t where I left it.
Roses are red! violets are buckets. This poem makes no sense. Snot.
Feeling so good today ... High-five the person next to you and tell them it`s from me.
Inviting a friend to play Candy Crush Saga is like hosting an intervention and providing the crack.
There`s always cake to celebrate happy moments, but I really think cake would do better during the bad times. Got fired? Have a cake.
My first instinct when I see an animal is to say “hello”. My first instinct when I see a person is to avoid eye contact & hope it goes away.
Elderly people used to always nudge me at weddings and say "You`re next."What got them to stop is when............I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
Are there actually people who get out of the shower to pee? I want to meet them.
Smile. It makes people wonder what you´re up to.
As you get closer and closer to the end of this status, I think it`s important that you lower your expectations.