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Today I gave up procrastination for Lent.
If we all winked, laughed out loud, stuck out our tongues and blew kisses in real life as much as we do in texts...it would be very creepy.
New camo condoms! She`ll never see you coming again.
Hell is an endless cycle of getting comfortable in bed & then suddenly having to pee.
I think that there are two things that we can all agree on: Boobs.
If she can cook like her mother and drink like her father, she`s a keeper.
Spinning in circles to get dizzy as a child was my first attempt at getting high.
We always say that our elders are wise, because of their years of experience. But you know what? ... Stupid people get old too.
is accepting applications. Needed someone to keep me from doing dumb stuff. See previous post.
Next time a guy asks for your number, write it down in Roman numerals. If he manages to call you, he`s a keeper.
Today I am thankful for my family....and this 5th of vodka that helps me deal with them.
Save some time and just put your Taco Bell directly in the toilet.
Me: I`m hungry. Fridge: I don`t give a sh*t. Cabinet: B*tch, don`t look at me. Freezer: Lol, you like ice? :-)
Card on top of gift reads `I want you wearing this tonight` only to open the gift to find NOTHING
You know when dogs sticks their heads out of a moving car window, bite at the air and it looks like fun? I tried it. It is.