Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My bank account is more like a countdown to homelessness.
Girls love shoes… so if she throws one at you, you know she’s really pissed off.
My interventions would be so much more effective if every single reason I drink wasn`t there
If you say married people aren’t having sex, you have obviously never sat in a hotel bar & watched them pick up strangers.
I wish I could talk to donkeys so I could be known as the ass whisperer.
I was so disturbed by hearing about all the people using marijuana today that I almost dropped my deep-fried Snickers bar into my 48oz Coke.
I remember when downloading a song meant trying to tape it off the radio while hoping the DJ didn´t talk over the song.
Ladies, if you want men to look at your face and not your chest, eat a banana.
Thanks for accepting my friend request on Facebook, even though is was solely so I could gain full access to your profile and judge your life choices.
On a scale of 9 to 10, how would you rate me?
I never thought I`d be the kind of person who`d wake up early in the morning to exercise ... And I was right.
I thought my life would include more impromptu sing-alongs.
Quick question, ladies: If you shave your eyebrows off and then draw them back on, what the hell are you doing?
When everything is coming your way, you`re probable in the wrong lane.
I hate to call it "one night stands"... I prefer the term "auditions"