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*licks finger, holds it up in the air* ah yes, just as I suspected. wind.
Olympic Mens Ice Hockey USA vs Canada. Loser keeps Justin Bieber.
When exactly are they going to make Xanax fit my Pez Dispenser?
I was going to write something profound and memorable here, but I can`t remember what it was.
Scream “Chrome is better than Firefox” around a group of geeks if you wanna see them argue for 2 hours.
Home is where you can say anything you want, because nobody listens to you anyway.
watching porn is like finding happiness in other enjoyment.....
“True beauty is within” for example opening your fridge.
My bank called because they noticed ‘highly suspicious activity’ on my charge account. It was for a gym membership.
Whenever my son questions my knowledge on any subject, I just remind him that I`m older than the Internet.
Life advice: Enjoy the f*ck out of it. It`s that simple.
Lower your expectations and I will totally amaze you.
Hey sorry I’m late, I didn’t want to come.
If the customer is always right, then why isn’t anything for free?
My number was 0...