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I downloaded this app called "Hide & Go Seek". Ever since then I cant find my damn phone.
I’m shy at first, but once I’m comfortable with you get ready for some crazy sh!t.
I will not let people drive me crazy because I know it`s in walking distance.
Just saw a group of kids trying to put another kid into a dumpster, I had to step in, They couldn`t even lift him, We high-fived & laughed
Adding "and sh!t" to the end of a sentence to make it sound cooler and sh!t.
I`m a lover, not a fighter. So if anyone is giving you trouble and you need me to have sex with them, I`m your man.
Everything just seems much better when you`re in denial
Today is opposite day. Wait...if today is opposite day and I say that it is opposite day that means today isn`t opposite day. If it isn`t opposite day then how cAn I say today is opposite dAy? I`m so confused -.-
Our brain took two billion years to evolve. Two billion trips around the Sun. All so humans can use it to look at kittens on the Internet.
If I had a dollar for every time I had a nickel.......
Home: The place where I can look ugly and enjoy it.
Today`s the day I like to sneak onto the intercom at Walmart and say "would Jason Voorhees please report to aisle 13."
You don`t know pissed off until she tells you to go sleep on the couch, and you take all the covers with you.
Most bags of sand live a tough life stopping floods. But some, the lucky ones, live a leisurely life tied to the basket of a hot air balloon
Shout out to the single lady I saw buying a bunch of Duracell batteries on Valentine`s Day.