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I purchased my own Taser off the internet the other day. In a totally unconnected incident, I´ve got to buy a cat to replace the neighbors one this afternoon.
Our office just got a new conference table. It sleeps 20.
If this cold snowy weather doesn`t clear up soon, I may never get in the mood to take down the Christmas tree-
It`s not really stalking if you don`t catch me doing it.
I only eat the entire pint of ice cream in one sitting so that I won`t be tempted to eat it later.
Some days the problem is I care too much... Today was not one of those days...
I always wrap someone`s fist bump with my high five because paper beats rock.
Bike helmets only protect you from looking cool.
If you want to keep a secret from me, put it inside a Facebook event invitation.
Tried to text "playa" but it changed it to "player" I must have the white iPhone.
I am going to open "The Karma Cafe" There will be no menus though. You will get what you deserve!
A cop pulled me over and said ``Papers...`` So I said, ``Scissors, I win!`` and drove off like a boss!
i hate that the sun comes up so early
Isn`t it weird that a vacuum cleaner isn`t something that is used to clean vacuums?
Try this... When leaving a fancy restaurant tell the people coming in "I recommend you try the donkey, snail or the squirrel".