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Really had my heart set on waking up rich today.
If you keep doing what you´ve always done, you´ll keep getting what you´ve always gotten.
Give Me A Minute While I Pretend To Care!
A new study has found that women with larger butts live longer than men who mention it.
I hope I never have to run for my life. It wouldn’t end well.
A man asks a trainer in the gym: "I want 2 impress that beautiful girl , which machine can I use?" Trainer replies: "Use the ATM"
I tend to say “I dont know” when I’m too lazy to think.
is spending my children´s inheritance.
Glad McDonald`s don`t serve hotdogs, I don`t think I could order a McWeiner with a straight face.
Keep reaching for the stars but get a better deodorant.
Here, take my hand. Now slap yourself with it.
So many fun things to say … too many relatives on Facebook to post!
awesome collection!
I was in my kitchen cleaning when suddenly I realized OMG! ... I`m late for Facebook!!
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She`s 97 today and we don`t know where the hell she is.