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I`ll bet the guy who invented the snooze button never invented anything else.
Twerking is just shaking your a$$? Why did we need a new word? A$$-shaking has served us well for centuries.
Touch it gently, put two fingers inside, if it`s wide use three fingers, make sure it`s wet and rub up and down. Yep that`s how you wash a cup.
Think you`re going crazy? When you get there, look for me and I`ll show you around.
The Brain ? Forgets what I want to remember, Remembers what I want to forget.
There`s a word for people like you ... "leave"
We get it people on Facebook. You`re married, you have kids, you`re happy. Calm down.
One square left on the toilet roll and no extras in the cupboard. Well played, honey. Well played.
There`s this cool trick I do where I post whatever the f*ck I want becasue this is my account, not yours.
To all those that now have a DUI, domestic violence charge or one less finger... Happy 5th of July
You know what’s easy? ... Opening another beer
Just made eye contact with a guy while licking my lips ... I think I need to kill him now.
You can get super human strength when put in life or death situations. Last night I uncorked a bottle of wine with my teeth during a tantrum...
Things that make you go Mmmmmmm - Duct Tape
Some days you`re the Titanic, some days you`re the iceberg and some days you`re that guy who hit the propeller on the way down.