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real eyes realize real lies
Finally did it. 25 inflatable mattresses later and I’ve finally turned my apartment into a bounce castle.
Why do men fart more than women? Because women can`t shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
Take my advice, I don’t use it anyway.
It’s 2013, why does good food still have calories.
Why do the people with the most annoying voices always appear to have the worst case of verbal diarrheal??!!
Please don`t post pictures of cats on my FB wall. I am allergic.
Blacking out when you’re drunk is god’s way of telling you that it’s none of your business what you do when you’re drunk.
Some days, I practice positive thinking. Other days, I`m not positive I am thinking.
Every time I think I finally have the life I always dreamed of....I wake up.
"Everything else tastes like us. Why do we need to die?" -chickens
I’ve been single so long I deserve a bachelors degree.
LOQ "Laugh Out Quietly" because LOL is giving me a headache
roes are red violets are blue he`s for me not for you if for any chance you`ll take my place i`ll use my fist and smash your face
People say that I have no idea what hard work is. That`s not true! I know exactly what it is... How do you think I avoid it so easily?