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Funniest thing ever heard on TV. "Ward, you were a little hard on the Beaver last night"
I hate when a couple argues in public but I missed the start and don`t know whose side I`m on.
Happy President`s day all. Heading out to buy a new mattress.
really vry funny
Wow! it`s late.. I need to hit the sack........ Then go to bed.
You know you`re getting old when you`re looking forward to some time off so you can have like three doctors appointments.
Love means never being able to like another girl’s selfie on Instagram ever again.
What do they give the person that has everything? antibiotics
Which emoticon indicates the desire to cover someone with fire ants?
Sometimes I just open up the cabinet and let the Tupperware hit me in the face on purpose.
According to WebMD, people are Sick & Tired of me
Don`t be sad, laundry. Nobody is doing me either.
My therapist says I`m a clueless, un-observant trainwreck. Which is weird because up until this moment, I never even knew he was a therapist.
My Facebook movie is already in the dollar bin at Walmart.
My new diet plan consists of multiple naps. Because you can`t stuff your face when you`re sleeping.