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Two days is not enough time for a weekend.
Thank God you`ve updated your status to "Finished lunch" after you first posted "Going to lunch" I really couldn`t tolerate more suspense.
Why can`t the ice cream man just get a freakin liquor license already
God made men. But sandwiches weren`t going to make themselves. So God made women.
75% of my day consists of looking at the clock and not believing it
Did Humpty Dumpty sue them motherf*ckers for making that wall so high?
I was going to do stand up comedy years ago but then I thought ...Ugghhh, standing...
My phone just filmed a 6 hour documentary about life inside my pocket
I hate it when people dont know the differece between Ur and U`r
I finally stopped caring what other people think ... I hope everyone`s ok with that.
When I wake up at night, I reach out to you, I love you not for what you look like, I love you for what you have inside - Me to my fridge
The biggest cause of cancer in mice is research.
Just heard a lady say "When in doubt, get a pizza"... I don`t know who this woman is but she`s my new life coach.
RIGHT NOW YOU HAVE: 3 fingers behind your phone, your pinky tucked under for support and your scrolling with your thumb! LIKE if I’m right!!!!
is wondering if the hokey pokey is really what it´s all about