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All I`m saying is one of us is right and the other one is you.
Not sure how coffee got its own table in the living room, but kudos.
I drink to make other people interesting
Men, if a woman is upset, hold her and tell her how beautiful she is. If she starts to growl, retreat to a safe distance and throw chocolate at her.
My bank is the worst. They`re charging me money for not having enough money in my account. Apparently, I can`t even afford to be broke.
What kind of wine goes best with laundry?
Thought of the day! Calling me a crazy bitch will only encourage me to prove you right...
B!tch, I will slap you by accident on purpose.
My credit score is just a picture of me crying in the front yard of a nice house.
Woke up to my teen cleaning the house for "no reason" and now I have a mystery to solve.
Getting my kids to the airport always feels like I`m recreating the first 10 minutes of "Home Alone."
I went on two diets because there wasn’t enough food on just the one.
pharmacy was out of my BP meds...so i bought a baseball bat instead..that works much faster
I`ve been repeating the same mistakes in life for so long now I may as well call them traditions.
“Is it food time yet?” = The summarization of most of my thoughts.