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We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
Do you really know me or am I just an idea that you`ve built in your head?
My wife just said we should have another baby. I hope she didn`t mean together.
We should really thank our Dads for bringing us into this world since our Moms were probably tired and not in the mood.
It`s possible you drank too much if you have to wait until your court appearance to find out what the hell happened that night
Guns don`t kill people. Fathers with pretty daughters do.
They`ve got this brand new machine at the gym. I only used it for about an hour because I started to feel sick, but it`s awesome - it`s got Mars Bars, KitKat Chunkys, Cheetos, crisps.... everything!
There should be an observation deck at Walmart.
my entire life is a "had to be there" moment
As I slowly ran my finger down her G string I thought to myself, this is a nice guitar.
I have company coming, does a spork go on the right or left side?
50% of people believe sex is "the connecting of two people`s souls through two people`s bodies, as one." The other 50% are men.
My goal in life: Build a time machine and travel forward into the future until I can stop and ask someone "Do you know what `buffering` is?" and they are clueless.
If flying is really so safe, then why is it called the `terminal`?
all joking aside, think how many babies might be created tonight on valentines day