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Sanity is so overrated. I mean, it`s a nice place to visit, but I wouldn`t want to live there....
If you live by the sword, I guess that is pretty cool. I live by some trees and shit.
I don’t care how high you set the bar as long as I can reach my drink.
Don`t forget, If anyone asks we are a normal family.
I`m outdoorsy in that I like getting drunk on patios.
You guys, how can true love still exist if we don`t have mixed tapes anymore?
joined a nudist colony last week ... the first few days were the hardest!
It’s been close to a million years since I exaggerated about anything.
I liked you a lot more before I met you.
Life advice: Enjoy the f*ck out of it. It`s that simple.
An ex asking to stay friends after you break up is like a kidnapper asking to stay in touch after they let you go.
Happy 4/21! National work drug testing day!
Just remember, outside of that beautiful slim bride on her wedding day there’s a fat woman just waiting to get in.
I`m Outdoorsy, as in I like to get drunk and pass out in the yard....
It`s not you, it`s me. I can`t stand you.