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I`m amazed at how much better my life has been since the iOS 7 update. I bet it would be even better if I owned an iPhone.
I missed that one episode of The Walking Dead where they show us how the zombies keep everyone`s lawns so freshly mowed.
I like to respond to statuses with .. WOW, Someone needs a Happy Meal.
You know you are old when people keep telling you how young you look.
When your life flashes before your eyes does that include the black outs? That`d be cool. Like your life but with never before seen footage.
The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven`t seen for half an hour.
Our phone falls, we panic... our friends fall, we laugh.
For Lent I`ve decided to give up my New Year`s Resolutions
Save water. Shower with me. ;)
I just got a paper cut opening a box of Pop Tarts. There will be no more fancy breakfasts around here.
Why do fifty percent of marriages end in divorce? Well, I`m guessing it`s because the other fifty percent can`t afford lawyers.
There better be strippers & beer at my intervention because there is no way in hell I`m sitting through that sober.
If you can read this please let me know - because it means I blocked the wrong person.
There should be a mercy rule for how many pics a girl can upload from her vacation.
Please be patient...I`m fcuking things up as fast as I can.