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So a year ago today I asked a really beautiful friend out on a date and today I asked her to marry me. She said no both times.
If you live by the sword, I guess that is pretty cool. I live by some trees and shit.
I realized my superpower.. I can walk into ANY bathroom.. And the toilet paper roll will be empty..
You`ve got to love yourself. But not in public places.
“True beauty is within” for example opening your fridge.
Christmas is just like a day at the office ... You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
It`s not an attitude problem, it`s the way I am.
Walmart made plans to hire 100,000 U.S. Veterans. Which can only mean one thing: Walmart is going to invade Costco.
The first rule of the OCD Club is to have a second rule so there is an even number of rules.
I`ll never forget the first time I saw a dry erase board, "Wow" I thought, "that`s remarkable"
Where did all the people walking around with boomboxes in the 80s go? I`m concerned
Keep honking. I´m reloading.
I looked up "thesaurus" in my thesaurus and it says "Don`t be a smart-a$$".
I hate when I explain how awesome I am to someone and they pretend to not be impressed.
If I was just learning English and you told me a sport called BOXING takes place in a SQUARE area called a RING, I`d probably give up.