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Doing nothing is very hard to do, you never know when your finished.
I just saw a giant spider in my room so I sprayed it with hairspray. It`s not dead, but its hair looks fabulous.
Unlike milk, it is perfectly ok to cry over spilled whiskey.
I’ve been in this McDonald’s restroom for over an hour, waiting for an employee to wash my hands.
Working from home and HR already cited me for sexual misconduct.
I think Facebook is the Malaysian plane of the internet. No one on here has been seen by their family in weeks.
So, is Dora 18 yet, or what? Asking for a friend.
If tomatoes are a fruit, then ketchup is a smoothie.
Of course the Pilgrims had a lot to be thankful for, all their in-laws were back in Europe.
I`ll be damned if after the 5 longest minutes of my life i am going to "allow to cool in microwave for 1 minute"!
Well, I’m bored again. Time to open the fridge
I`m glad that we as humans settled on the hand shake as a greeting instead of the whole ass sniffing thing.
Most of life is waiting for whatever you`re at to be over.
I love Costco. You don`t go there thinking you`re gonna buy a 12-pack of watermelons but you`ll probably leave with one.
If zombies ever attack just go to Costco...they have concrete walls...years of foods and supplies...and best of all the zombies can`t get in without a Costco membership card.