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condoms prevent minivans
A wireless bra? They weren`t tricky enough, now I need a password?
Shouldn`t there have been at least one scene in The Karate Kid where Daniel`s mom was like "Why are you constantly in that old man`s shed?"
When I was your age, we had to walk 10 miles in the snow to get drunk and have s€x.
In Hell, you cannot peel off the colors on a Rubik`s Cube to solve it
I have more conversations in my head than I do in real life.
A new study says eating sugar will kill you and was conducted by the No Sh!t Sherlock Research Institute.
Can we all just agree to start spelling it "Wensday"?
There’s no worse feeling than realizing your wife has fallen asleep & you’ve spent the last 20 minutes watching Real Housewives by yourself.
Save water- shower with me!
That akward moment you try and deep throat a banana and get caught ... and your a dude.
I drink coffee for your protection.
If your conspiracy theory doesn`t involve cats and dogs, don`t bother me.
I don`t want it to seem like I`m trying to get rid of you, but GO AWAY!!
Admit it: you have all tried to rap in the shower..