Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don`t get along with Hipster kids. Not a fan of the smell of thrift stores.
No thanks, alcohol free mouthwash, my life is depressing enough.
It’s a good thing not everyone has a smartphone. Someone has to honk when the light turns green.
When in doubt, just do the opposite of whatever the person wearing pajamas in public is doing.
My relationship with whiskey has been on the rocks lately.
I have found that the best work from home occupation is a bartender
I`m really easy to get along with, once people learn to worship me.
I am, have to avoid the leg cramps during sex, years old.
Gym update: not there
Make fun of George Bush all you want, but he would have found a way to bomb North Korea before they shut down Hollywood.
About to stick a pin in your voodoo doll.... Brace yourself.
Love is like a rubber band, we keep pulling, someone let’s it go, and it hurts the one who held on.
Life would be so much more interesting if we all had cartoon bubbles over our heads.
Dear Fruity Pebbles: Calorie content w/out milk is unnecessary. Anyone shoving dry Fruity Pebbles down their throat isn’t counting calories.
If nobody hates you, you are doing something boring.