Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Partying on my level requires years of training.
I just realized that if we drink enough wine, the adult`s table will become the kid`s table.
You should probably first master the art of thinking “inside” the box
I`ve fallen down the stairs before. I don`t see what joy the Slinky gets out of it. That sh!t hurts.
Bring donuts so your coworkers will like you. Cut them in half so they will hate you again.
"Why haven`t you been answering my pigeons?" -- Girlfriends in the 17th century probably
With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.
If at first you don`t succeed, you should have done it my way in the first place.
I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken.
If I could bring one dead person back to life I`d bring back Walk Disney. Just to show him the shows on Disney channel and see his reaction..
Sometimes one middle finger isn`t enough to let someone know how you feel. That`s why we have two hands.
I could write an entire book on excuses,,, but I have to pick my grandma up at the airport.
You can lead a horse to water but I`d rather ride it to the liquor store.
Time to walk the cow and milk the dog, Happy Hump Day!
I`ve always wondered is jellyfish are sad because there are no peanut butter fish.