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I`m sorry I slapped you. It`s just you seemed like you weren`t going to stop talking and I panicked.
Parents, forget about teaching your kids about the birds and the bees. Teach your kids the difference between their, they`re and there.
Tire rotation? Nice try, mechanic! I rotated my tires like a thousand times on the drive over here.
Statistics say that 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea. Does that mean that 1 enjoys it?
life is like a bed of roses just got to whatch out for the pricks
Is it wrong, to put people on your bucket list?
Neat, your girlfriend is made out of the same stuff as your air guitar!
I’ve discovered, the easiest way to change a flat tire is by not wearing a bra.
What if 11:11 actually works but there`s one person in this world that`s wishing for everyone`s wishes to not come true?
he who laughs last thinks slow
Rough day! I have now completed the top 6 things off my to-do list ... Time to go get another six pack I guess.
You might call it ‘whipped.’ I call it `guy who’s getting laid.’
So my kid secretly recorded me driving and singing and put it on social media if you needed to know how important birth control is today.
I’m back on my feet again!! Wait, false alarm the remote is right here.
Some life lessons are so profound; you only need to do them one time. Putting Icy Hot on my balls, for example …