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I think it`s safe to say that my 2 year old is definitely more excited to see the fire truck next door than my neighbor.
When people ask me what I did over the weekend, I always squint and respond “Why, what did you hear?”
Wow!!, What a day..I volunteered at a soup kitchen, mowed my lawn, went to 2 Birthday parties, ran 6 miles, then told a bunch of lies on Facebook.
The part of "no" that I don´t understand is the part where I don´t get what I want
If I`ve offended you in the past, please accept my apology, and shove it up your a$$.
Mom: If all your friends jumped off a cliff would you do it too? Me: If all parents used that same metaphor would you use it too?
Ugly is such an ugly word. If I must describe an ugly person I´d prefer to use the term "handsomely-challenged"
Gift cards are still the best way to say "I`m too lazy to think of a good gift and I think you`ll buy drugs if I give you cash."
How can there be more horses asses than there are horses?
Grown up pandas eat for 12 hours a day. In related news, it turns out I’m not fat. I’m a panda.
I`m reaching the point where I really hope it`s not possible to be annoyed to death.
Heck, I can tell which people are really judgmental just by looking at them.
People born in 1994-1999 have lived in three decades, two centuries, and two millenniums. & they are not even 18 yet.
You`ve cat to be kitten me right meow.
I could really go for a vegetable sandwich! Maybe some tomatoes, some spinach, cucumbers... With cheese. And a hamburger patty. And bacon. Ok I really want a bacon cheeseburger.