Mobile App Coming Soon - Daily Silly Status

Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

I think it`s safe to say that my 2 year old is definitely more excited to see the fire truck next door than my neighbor.
When people ask me what I did over the weekend, I always squint and respond β€œWhy, what did you hear?”
Wow!!, What a day..I volunteered at a soup kitchen, mowed my lawn, went to 2 Birthday parties, ran 6 miles, then told a bunch of lies on Facebook.
The part of "no" that I donΒ΄t understand is the part where I donΒ΄t get what I want
If I`ve offended you in the past, please accept my apology, and shove it up your a$$.
Mom: If all your friends jumped off a cliff would you do it too? Me: If all parents used that same metaphor would you use it too?
Ugly is such an ugly word. If I must describe an ugly person IΒ΄d prefer to use the term "handsomely-challenged"
Gift cards are still the best way to say "I`m too lazy to think of a good gift and I think you`ll buy drugs if I give you cash."
How can there be more horses asses than there are horses?
Grown up pandas eat for 12 hours a day. In related news, it turns out I’m not fat. I’m a panda.
I`m reaching the point where I really hope it`s not possible to be annoyed to death.
Heck, I can tell which people are really judgmental just by looking at them.
People born in 1994-1999 have lived in three decades, two centuries, and two millenniums. & they are not even 18 yet.
You`ve cat to be kitten me right meow.
I could really go for a vegetable sandwich! Maybe some tomatoes, some spinach, cucumbers... With cheese. And a hamburger patty. And bacon. Ok I really want a bacon cheeseburger.