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“Over my dead body” doesn’t mean “no.” It means I get to do what I want and as a bonus I get to kill you.
I love using my GPS, problem is I can`t find it.
My fortune cookie read "End of roll. Replace"
People who don’t understand sarcasm are awesome.
Sometimes I meow back at cats.
In Hell, you cannot peel off the colors on a Rubik`s Cube to solve it
Not to brag but when I push it, I push it real good.
I watched my first silent movie the other day. The kids weren`t there.
I think I`m the drunkest person at this bed bath and beyond.
TV and the Internet are good because they keep stupid people from spending too much time out in public.
Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
Every time I see an abandoned shoe on the highway it reminds me of some of the drunken nights we use to have.
On the bright side, my coffee will never get cold in hell.
I told you a million times do not exaggerate!
I need chapstick on my lips ... anyone want to share ?