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Fish must be excellent drivers. Very rarely do you hear about fish getting into car accidents.
While everyone may not speak the same language, we all know what time McDonald`s stops serving breakfast.
Imagine how freaked out the first human must of been on the first sneeze.
I`m fortunate that anger and nicotine have zero calories.
Mustaches: 1. Like them or not? 2. Should you refuse to go out on a date with someone just because she has one?
I want to follow my dream, but i dont want to look like a stalker
Sometimes I watch sports holding an xbox controller just to screw with my girlfriend`s head...
I AM doing something with my life. It’s called screwing around.
My favorite word is `apparently`. Makes anything sound sarcastic. He`s intelligent, apparently.
If I were a pilot I would scream “WE’RE GOING DOWN” every time I landed the plane.
This morning someone threw Skittles at me and said "Taste the Rainbow", I ran them over with my car and sang,"Nationwide is on your side"
It only takes a few seconds to show someone how you feel about them,The police call it indecent exposure but whatever...
Everyone hates performance enhancing drugs. Yet, everyone loves Captain America.
My sleep number is 24. That`s a case of beer and I sleep like a baby.
Ways to Win my Heart: Buy me Beer Bring me Beer Be Beer.