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I`m like the stink in your feet.....I will always be with you.
BEER! The official sponsor of hot days!
Hello 911? Do you think i`m pretty?
They’re called scents, not flavors, I should not able to taste your perfume or cologne.
Neat, your girlfriend is made out of the same stuff as your air guitar!
Roses are red! violets are buckets. This poem makes no sense. Snot.
does anyone know if smurfs are gluten free
Why is it called a "personal trainer", instead of an "exercist"?
I think I`m the drunkest person at this bed bath and beyond.
Stalin should have known communism doesn`t work. There were red flags everywhere.
I got food poisoning today. I don’t know when I’ll use it though.
I hate when people say, "I gotta get my body right for the summer." ...like, wtf are you going to do about your face???
Has anybody seen my keys? they`re awesome.
Women my age expect a man to have his sh!t together by now. Time to start dating younger women.
You know you’re a mom, when someone says they have a stomach ache and you ask if they pooped today.