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Everytime I see “ROFL”… I think of Scooby Doo trying to say “waffle”.
I just realized that if we drink enough wine, the adult`s table will become the kid`s table.
"Please don`t put a million dumb photos of me on your Facebook... it just annoys your friends" - Every baby
Currently in the planning stages for a hangover.
Damn…I’m having an out of money experience.
Happiness, is just a liquor store away.
Helpful Tip : Never ask the cop to hold your beer while you dig out your drivers license.
No one looks more depressed than a grown man walking away from the microwave with a Lean Cuisine meal in his hands.
I can`t tell if I`m really nice but secretly an a$$hole or an a$$hole but secretly really nice.
Screaming out "BOOM PREGNANT!" during sex is never as funny as you think it will be.
Some people just bring out the psycho in me
Coffee gives me the illusion I`m actually awake
Saw a chameleon today, so I`m assuming it wasn`t a very good one.
I just want you to be happy. And naked.
We should be nicer to old people. When they walked uphill both ways in the snow they had to do it without an internet connection too.