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Some of my ideas are about as profitable as selling YOLO T-Shirts at a Reincarnation seminar
“Was that lightning?” “No no…. they’re taking pictures for Google Earth..”
If you don`t give a f*ck then why you telling everybody?
I hate it when Hippos fall on me when walking home from school... :D
GIRLS: To make a guy panic, simply ask, " Notice anything different?`... works EVERY time
You can`t make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them & hope they panic & give in.
I`m not saying Goldilocks was a piece of sh!t, but she broke into someone`s house and just started eating their breakfast.
Pro Tip: If you are under the age of 35, don`t get married. If you are over 35, don`t get married. If you are 35, don`t get married.
The closest I`ve come to camping was that one time when I fell asleep in the bushes outside your window with my camera.
I live like I type, fast and with lots of mistakes!
The best revenge is to kidnap your enemy, tie him up, then pop bubble wrap in front of him and make him watch.
Eating Popcorn: 90% during the trailers. 10% during the movie.
If you want to be remembered after you die, borrow money from everyone you know.
No need to drive me crazy. I can walk from here.
Just sprayed a mosquito with mosquito repellant. Now, he’ll never have any friends.