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The real danger of running with scissors is that a rock might fall on you.
I think I need to return my GPS...no matter what it can`t help me find easy street
I`ve considered changing career paths and becoming a demolitions expert, but then I hear the education may cost me an arm and a leg.
I`d rather spend 5 minutes reorganizing the dishwasher, than spend the 10 seconds it takes to wash the dish that doesn`t fit.
I am the bestest at the English language...
I used to wonder what it was like to read people’s minds. Then I got a Facebook account and I got over it.
I’m too young to be too old for everything.
Well, I`m really not sure what my spirt animal is but I`m sure it looks like road kill right about now.
"I`d hit that!" -Helpful blackjack dealer
I used to date a magazine editor. But, I broke up with her because she just had too many issues. No YOU shut up!
When someone says “You just made my day,” it makes my day.
I went for a run tonight. Sure, it was a beer run, but I did break a sweat.
I don`t go crazy. I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time.
Beach people are fickle. One minute you`re the loser with a bucket of cold fries and the next they`re terrified of the Lord of Seagulls.
i dont have drain bramage.