Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Whenever someone tells me they like country music, I just look them in the eyes and ask "which country?"
You`d think my boss would know me by now and stop asking me everyday if I`ve been drinking.
HA! If you think I`M crazy you should meet ME!
Calm down mechanic guy. Just here for an oil change. If I wanted to know about all the other shit wrong with my car I`d turn the radio down.
My doctor asked me if I drink to excess. I told him I would drink to anything.
someone told me I am immature and need to grow up ... so guess who is not allowed in my snow fort!!!
If Apple made a car, would it have windows?
Few things are creepier than someone saying "I know" after you introduce yourself.
There are too many people who could ruin my life by posting a screenshot of a text conversation we’ve had.
"Wow, you look good today!” is not a compliment if it comes with a genuinely surprised look.
My safe word is "Make sure we don`t go over the hour. That`s all the cash I got on me."
According to my fitness app, I ate a 6 mile fruit roll-up.
Let`s be honest. The only reason you listen to your voice-mail messages is to make the stupid icon disappear
The irony of all this is, the internet was created to save us time...
By thigh gap you mean the distance between the KFC and my mouth right.