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You never know a person until you walk in their shoes... or until you check their browser history.
Just checked my Farmville for the first time in 2 years... It`s now a Walmart.
You know what’s huge in Japan? ..Sumo wrestlers. ;)
That moment when you are having a conversation in your head and you realize you are making faces that go along with the silent conversation.
I wonder how many people`s phones out there have my name saved in contacts as "DO NOT ANSWER"
I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible…but pissing everyone off is easy and fun as hell!
I`m awkward when people compliment me. "Nice hair" "Thanks, I grew it myself"
“Grandbrother” sounds much cooler than uncle.
You really can`t say your laundry is done unless you are completely naked
HANGOVER!!!!! it`s God`s way of sayin "u kicked a$$ last night"
Worried that you may have a stalker? Shut up and just be happy someone likes you.
The only reason I keep people`s phone numbers in my phone is to avoid their calls..
Facebook should have a limit on times you can update your relationship status, after 3 it should default to "unstable".
Revenge is best served to someone`s toothbrush.
Me: I only smoke weed because of Cancer. Mom: You don`t have Cancer! Me: So it`s working...