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30 years later and my Cabbage Patch Kid still has no clue that he`s adopted.
Damn boy! Are you a slinky? Cause I wanna wanna push you down a flight of stairs, then kick you when you stop halfway to the bottom.
I`m getting a mistletoe tramp stamp.
"I really should buckle down and get my rap album going"-Me, every time I drink
Life is so much funnier if you have a dirty mind
I woke up this morning with a glass of water on my bedside table with a note saying “for hungover me” I drank it and it was vodka. Drunk me can be such an asshole!
Some people, even in photos, just look like they smell horrible.
Facebook account for sale, Friends included...
Fitness? More like fitness whole cheesecake in my mouth.
A good way to mess with a jogger is to run up along side them and say "I think we lost them."
If I had a dollar for every time I had a nickel.......
Space heaters are the perfect housewarming gifts.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me 8 times,......Your probably a woman.
I`m writing this status very slowly, cause I know you guys can`t read very fast.
Swearing: because sometimes "golly gee" and "meany" just don`t cut it.