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Just realized that 90% of Disney cartoons involve lying about your identity to get someone to love you.
If love is blind....why is lingerie so popular?
I enjoy going to costume parties that have a theme. ..."Nude Beach" is my personal favorite.
I seem to start my day backwards. I wake up tired and I go to bed wide awake.
If by "help decorate the tree" you mean drinking beer on the couch yelling out everything you`re doing wrong, then yeah, count me in.
Most women desire someone who makes them laugh and also feel safe, so basically a clown ninja.
If Mary Poppins floated in on an umbrella today, they`d shoot her out of the sky with a drone.
If the universe didn`t want me to eat four pop-tarts for breakfast I wouldn`t have four slots on my toaster...
You know one thing i really like about you is that you dont like anything about me.
Lazy Rule#15325434090371466: you`re so lazy you didn`t even finish reading the number.
I`m telling you, Godzilla must have feet made of steel. I step on a Lego and can`t walk for a month.
My best friend sent me a message saying,"Your stupid," I replied,"atleast I know the difference between you`re and your,"
I really have to stop using this little microphone on my phone that types whatever you say as it keeps making mistakes punctuation point
Was hating my job until I drove past a grown man dressed as a Taco on the side of the road. Thanks again Perspective
My husband told me he needed more space ... So I locked him outside.