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This time change has me all messed up. Driving with my hands at 11 and 3 is hard
Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
I accidentally called 911, so I set my house on fire so I wouldn`t look stupid.
Doctors who expect me to pee on command, I`m not some kind of stunt pee-er, you know.
The "best part of waking up" doesn`t even make sense.
Today`s Generation: "Omg my parents never let me have anything." via iPhone
i dont like ling distance relationships so i move the fridge to my room
That mind-blowing moment when you realize chores were really the crap your parents didn’t want to do.
Some people are such treasures that you really just wanna bury them.
Darn right I’m good in bed. ...I can sleep for days.
I wish the guy made of money in the Gieco commercial would ride his motorcycle through my town.
I guess the teachers went back to school. The bar was nearly empty this morning.
I was wondering why some couples don`t go to the gym together but I guess some relationships just don`t work out...
I hate to call it "one night stands"... I prefer the term "auditions"
Before you refer to someone as your ex, make sure they know you dated.