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Ladys, if you`re in an argument with a guy and there`s no may to win. Start playing with your boobs...works every time.
Something about today makes me want to be hungover tomorrow.
I always read my girlfriend’s horoscope to see what kind of day I’m going to have.
It`s weird how in England the passenger drives the car
"I can`t wait to nail you later" *whispers to the new picture I just bought*
The lady walking ahead of me sped up so I did, she began running so I did, she screamed so I did. I never even saw what we were running from.
Whew, good thing there`s a facebook petition for ending the shutdown, or else we`d be in real trouble.
Advertising taught me that hair conditioner makes you move in slow motion.
I`m so lonely I drive around town with a coffee cup glued to the roof of my car just so people will wave at me.
You`re always ahead of schedule when it comes to disappointing me.
Wouldn`t it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for 10 mins and come out wrinkle free and 2 sizes smaller...
The “Slow Children Playing” signs always make me sad. Would it cost that much more to thrown in punctuation?
If banks were as fiercely regulated as McDonalds breakfast cut off time, there’d be no problems.
I danced like no one was watching but someone was watching, thought I was having a seizure and called an ambulance
I heard recently on the radio that, "If a man looks at womens breasts for 10 mins a day he will add 5 years to his life".. Can anyone confirm this?!! If so what are we waiting for?