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My driver`s side window stopped working,,,, So yeah,, I`m probably gonna starve to death..
If it walks like a duck and it looks like a duck, the chances are she`s practising for her next selfie
You never know a person until you walk in their shoes, or until you check their browser history.
RIGHT NOW YOU HAVE: 3 fingers behind your phone, your pinky tucked under for support and your scrolling with your thumb! LIKE if I’m right
Sorry for accidentally karate kicking you. Sorry for high-fiving everyone who saw it.
I always carry a lighter in case I end up at an impromptu concert...or need to set someone`s house on fire. Either way, I`m prepared.
Call me crazy, but I don`t think I really need to be in this mental institution.
Coffee is gods way of saying "go ahead get trashed on a weeknight, I`ve got your back"
I work out ... Just kidding, I take naps.
Tarantulas make great pets because when they die, rather than grieving you’ll feel an almost overwhelming sense of relief.
Girls are a lot like oceans, beautiful and deep, but once a month, it`s shark week.
Having a dirty mind makes simple conversation much more exciting!
I`m thinking about remodeling my bathroom and thanks to all your selfies I`m getting some great ideas!!.....
People who think only god can judge them have obviously never hung out with my friends.
They say children are a gift from god. I`m totally wide-open to regifting.