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eBay sellers - just because you`ve dug your suit/dress out of the back of your wardrobe doesn`t make it vintage. #JustOldAndSmelly
The best moments in life are simple… you know like when you sit down and get comfy and the remote is magically next to you.
I broke up with my cross-eyed girlfriend today.......i felt like that bitch was seeing someone else.
Men, if a woman is upset, hold her and tell her how beautiful she is. If she starts to growl, retreat to a safe distance and throw chocolate at her.
Mom: How are your grades this semester? Me:.... Mom:.... Me: Mother what`s important is that we have our health
I need to stop making things more complicated than they need to be. I`m adding that to my bucket Power Point presentation.
To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the plus side, he makes a great Subway sandwich.
I`m thankful for pizza and burgers... and ice cream and bacon and fries and... F*ck it, I`m thankful for food. I love you, food.
tonights theme: grab somebody sexy tell them hey, give me everything tonight!
I just did a bunch of crunches and curls. There were Nestle Crunches and cheese curls, but still. I`m exhausted.
I was called sexist today. So..i said i think ur mistaken...its pronounced sexy! LOL
"It`s not you, it`s me." -Twins looking at some family photos.
I dont care how you live your life, so just let me live mine. Yeah whatever.
What does it mean when you sit next to an elderly woman on the bus and she shakes her head and makes the sign of the cross?
Don’t start an argument with a girl because they have 45030194 GB memories and will bring up something you did at 2:27PM on April 23rd 2008.