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Pick any number. Multiply it by two. Now add 12 to it. Divide it by 3. Now change it to 10. That`s how many seconds you just wasted.
Karaoke bars combine two of the world’s great evils: People who shouldn’t drink and people who shouldn’t sing.
I don`t play sports, the only sport I play is shopping. But there`s a lot of walking involved in that. Running sometimes if there`s a sale.
I decided I`m not doing the whole clock-back routine this year. If you need me, I`ll be in the frickin future.
Started a new exercise routine yesterday. So far I`ve only missed one day.
I was a huge tomboy. Like, I had barbies, but only because my ninja turtles needed bitches.
If you lick the frosting off a cupcake it becomes a muffin, muffins are healthy :) your welcome.
Sometimes you have to burn a few bridges to keep the crazies from following you.
"Dora" only rhymes with "Explorer" if you`re from Long Island, New York
To the person who stole my antidepressants..I hope you`re happy now!!!
I’m convinced that the employees of McDonalds were just customers who could pay and are working off their bills.
Free middle fingers for everyone!!!
Nothing makes me more productive than the last minute.
What`s wrong with having your mind in the gutter all the time?! If it weren`t for the gutter, my mind would be homeless!!!
Optimistic people want to hear the bad news first, while pessimists ask for the good. Realists just start drinking.