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I try to avoid picking up turtles on the side of the road. Just in case they are in the middle of a race.
Nothing like responsibility to ruin a perfectly good day.
Once and for all, I agree to ALL "the terms and conditions" that have or will ever exist!
You might be addicted to Facebook if you read my post`s every day...
Dancing in the 70`s: I have absolutely no idea what I am pointing at
I wanted to say thank you to all the people who gave me a reason to drink this Friday night.
I can`t wait to be rich so I can price things from high to low instead of low to high when shopping online.
Cake and pie can’t compete. If you put candles in a cake it’s birthday cake. Put candles in a pie and someone’s drunk in the kitchen.
If you ever feel like a failure, just know that somewhere in the world, someone just lost their straw inside a Capri Sun.
Nothing says "I love you" like my cat aggressively bathing itself immediately after I pet her.
Falling out of bed the fun way. Oh wait, there isn`t a fun way....
Full disclosure: All my statuses with less than 3 likes were made by my intern.
Newton`s third law of emotion. For every male action there is a female overreaction.
I really have to stop using this little microphone on my phone that types whatever you say as it keeps making mistakes punctuation point
I think girls secretly enjoy putting guys in the friend zone