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I noticed you stopped taking your meds. Can I have them?
I`ve gotten to that age where nothing fits right anymore. Even my birthday suit looks like it needs ironing...
The Hobbit 2: we`ve still got a long way to walk
My safe word is letsgetmarried.
Why would I buy a pumpkin at the store for $5 when I can drive 30 miles and pay to walk through a field to pick our own for $27.
According to the squirrel riding a unicycle in my kitchen, I may have taken too much sleep medication.......
Love means never being able to like another girl’s selfie on Instagram ever again.
Big deal, Times Square, I drop the ball at least twice a week.
Making fun of someone you`re angry with is childish. Be an adult and hit them with your car, instead
It`s fun to chant "Bloody Mary" three times into your car`s side mirror while driving at night and watch her jog to keep up
You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can`t flick your friends out the car window
You don`t appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things, like being spanked every day by a middle aged woman. Stuff you pay good money for in later life.
Some people are just pure evil...I should know because I`m one of them.
My doctor said I should eat better. I told him, with what he charges, I’m lucky I eat at all.
Wrestling is obviously fake. Why would two people fight over a belt when neither of them are wearing pants?