Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When I woke up today, I had no plans to be awesome, it just happened.
If you think people are stupid, randomly post "Happy Birthday" wishes on peoples FB page and see how many others tell them happy birthday.
One day, I will solve my problems with maturity. Today, however, it will be with alcohol.
I really hate it when someone else creates something that I haven`t had the chance to think of first...
Touch it gently, put two fingers inside, if it`s wide use three fingers, make sure it`s wet and rub up and down. Yep that`s how you wash a cup.
30+ and single? There`s an app for that. Wait. My mistake. A cat for that.
Calling someone "stupid" is mean. Unless they actually are. Then it`s just a diagnosis.
One day, people are gonna write songs about the nap I`m about to take.
Relationship status – table for one but drinks for two.
They say money talks, mine just waves goodbye.
If it wasn’t for profanity, I wouldn’t be a pro at anything.
My family is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you`re gonna get but you can be sure there are gonna be some nuts in there somewhere.
In case I drink too much and pass out for a while, Merry Christmas you guys.
I just had Déjà vu...and you were an asshole both times.
I`m at the point in my life where "friend with benefits" just means a person who gives me their Bed Bath & Beyond coupons.