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Running on two hours of sleep I’m either way too happy or violently homicidal.
Guy on plane : So, where are you going to? Me : I`m guessing it`s the same place you`re going.
Oops is farting in the elevator and thinking it would be silent.
Teaching your dog to fetch a beer is smart. Fetching it from the neighbours house is genius.
I pretend I’m taking an important call and use big words when old people walk by so they’ll think the future is in good hands.
I`m surprised more killers haven`t lured their victims into their houses by blind folding them and promises of being on a febreze commercial
Unwritten Rule of the Day: Don´t make eye contact while eating a banana.
Do you know what this house is missing? A box of $#!+, Let`s get a cat.
My life is the intersection between having too much caffeine and constantly yawning.
If the world dosen`t end on the 21st, I sure do have a lot of MREs to gift wrap.
Roasting marshmallows is great because it combines dessert and playing with fire.
I`m high as a kite! Let me rephrase that: I`m stuck in a tree.
My house is not messy. Those are just obstacles I`ve put in place for burglars.
Good friends do not let you do stupid things….. alone :)
Not a day goes by when I don`t try to use The Force.