Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Life is beautiful ...... but Monday`s suck all the way around.
Hmmmm, thats odd. . . .According to this height / weight chart. . . . I`m too short.
I told the monster in my closet that coming out of there would make him gay. Ha!!,,That solves that problem.
I want a firsthand test of the "mo money, mo problems" hypothesis.
Scientists say the Universe is made up of Protons, Neutrons and Electrons... They forgot to add Morons.
If any of you ever want your kitchen painted orange just give a six year old Cheetos for lunch and tell them not to make a mess. Works every time.
Just took a "Try Me" sticker off one of the plush toys at Wal-Mart and stuck it on a condom box.
If you’ve never pretended a Cheeto is a tiny caveman club, we can’t be friends.
Being normal? Ugh. I can`t imagine how awful that must be.
Presidents’ Day is just another made up holiday to sell more presidents
I`m not the cat lady type. I`m more like an actual cat. I want affection when I want it and on my terms. The rest of the time I want to claw out your eyes and piss in your shoe.
I`m jealous of my parents, I`ll never have kids as cool as theirs.
A budget is just a method of worrying before you spend money, as well as afterward.
Do Me: a favor. - Punctuation is important.
Roger that command center, we have arrived at our destination and will commence countdown..............Sir this is McDonalds how may I help you